Update on Obama and the “War Against Mice!”

15 May

Since the arrival of Obama (see previous entry) I have noticed a lot of bizarre changes taking place in and around our house.  Unfortunately, it seems that he have begun to see a whole new sideof this cat much to our dismay, and even enjoys shall we say ‘mimicking’ many of the more contriversial actions of our nation’s community leader and organizer, I mean president.  Listed for you below are some of his bizarre activities and achievements since his hard won victory at being made to feel welcome in our home, as well as having received the highly esteemed and most coveted title: “Obama the Mouse catcher”.

obama1

List of Obama’s accomplishments as of today; May 15, 2009:

  • Mice killed – none
  • Resources spent – $150.00
  • Ratio of positive actions per dollar used- terrible!

Obama’s resume:

  • Obama was mysteriously dropped off in front of our house yet to this day stubborbly refuses to show or to release to us any proper identification or legal documentation as to whom he belongs, where his allegiance is or where he comes from (i.e. no birth certificate).
  • Obama promises that things will get better for us domestically (i.e. getting rid of all the mice) with a lot of luck, patience and hard work as well as sacrifices from both us and the mice in exchange of our loyal support of his every move and continuous supply of free food, snacks and gourmet treats; as well as being allowed the privilege to freely roam the premises so as to be able to recommend and invite himself to all of our social gatherings and family affairs.
  • Obama demands that we let him go outside from time to time so that he can play with the bugs at night as well as to vainly parade himself in a most pompous and peculiar display of self love and affection in front of our extremely jealous dogs, who have been reduced (to their extreme dissatisfaction and horror) to once again having to sleep outside.
  • Obama has declared that the much used phrase “the war on mice” is no longer acceptable and not to be used as it is not very popular with the mice, nor at all agreeable with his calm and peace loving nature, not to mention being a particular ‘bone of contention and personal affront’ to those whom he admires and was reared by.  He has proposed that a new title called “the swiss and cheddar cheese; ‘I’m in your cupboards and will not leave,’ overnight contingency” may be used instead until something more permanent can be made up.  He states that his new phrase is primarily a response to the idea that the first phrase may have on some level or another possessed the possibility of potentially wounding and offending other mice which have been known to be living quieter, more peaceful lives in the more remote parts of the world.
  • Within minutes of having given Obama the official title of “mice catcher” other cats have for whatever reason instinctively begun to follow him in an eerie, almost cult-like fashion.  On many of the streets where we live, we now watch and observe as these cats voluntarily line up in record numbers in order to merely catch a glimpse of their new found hero; his image already being projected onto large posters, signs and billboards as mice cheer and applaud wildly in the background.
  • Other colorful pictures have also been posted in many of the back streets and alleyways in the inner cities across town, where even hardened street cats have been reported to tearfully kneel down and pay homage to the feline portraits.  On any given Sunday you can watch as these cats spend entire afternoons quietly purring in love and affection, reverence and awe while gazing at these photographs; perhaps dreaming of the day when they too may become an object of such ardent love, affection, human desire and back alley worship.  Scenes like these are becoming more and more frequent and absurd, and much to my amazement no one seems to have any authority to try and stop them.  Even members of the local news and television media seem to be in awe as they have been reportedly requesting time off from their daily work routines just to catch a glimpse and witness this strange phenomenon.  Many have even claimed to have felt a strange, sudden unidentifiable sensation and reactionary feeling running up and down their weakened and reverent, awestruck legs!  Perhaps they too are secretly prostrating themselves before pictures of this great feline king.  Who knows?
  • obama2 Obama has spoken at great lengths and to many of his feline colleagues concerning the moral obligations that we as humans have in regards disregard many of the more proven, trustworthy, reliable, and conventional methods of capturing and effectively dealing with the mice caught in the act of trespassing and stealing food an other items.  Mouse traps that boast of their success by any means of momentary pain or discomfort he insists are wrong and inhumane and therfore should be banned from usage on even the worst of these ‘rebel mice’ who are even now

invading houses and homes everywhere.  He also claims that it is imperative that we at this time come together as a household, laying aside our personal beliefs and differences in order to research, implement, consider and devise more cost efficient and environmentally friendly alternatives to the many traps that we as a nation have used in the past.  He claims that all traps and methods of capture used prior to his elevation in feline society are now, under his watchful guidance being classified as suspect, suspicious and dangerous; primarily because most of them really work; thus threatening his unique position and status as “head mice catcher.”  He has even hinted that these devises will soon be altogether taken off the market, as they may be contributing unnecessarily to the rise of global warming as he claims that heat energy is being released whenever the traps are triggered.  Obama also proposes that mandatory relocation of these thieving creatures into more comfortable habitats (primarily of their own choosing) is for now the very best solution, even of that means they are to stay in your homes!  He says that perhaps now is the best time for reconciliation and peace within the slighted rodent population!  He also has stated that these self domesticated mice who are caught in the act of stealing are to be treated courteously, with dignity and with respect; as they too are loving members of society who were perhaps just not given the benefits and chances that other more privileged animals had been given early on in their formative years, and therefore have been reduced to living a life of continuous crime and abject poverty.  In other words we are under no circumstances allowed to treat these mice as prisoners of war!

  • He states that because we are now living in the time of great hope and change, we must become increasingly more and more sensitive to the feelings of these mice especially whenever one may happen to sneak up on one in our houses, unawares.  This includes the banning of all natural reactions including but certainly not limited to stamping, hitting, yelling, kicking, pointing, shooting at, screaming or standing on chairs.
  • Obama has assured the mice population that the majority of the food (to hell with the crumbs) will indeed be placed into the hands of the rightful owners (the mice) and thus will not stop and will in fact encourage riots and looting and other such activity of private citizen’s homes and personal properties if not adequately and generously compensated at length for the many decades of being forced to live off of other peoples wallets and perhaps limited food supplies.
  • Obama had declared personal dissatisfaction, contempt, hatred and feline war against the national food industry that has not in his estimation fed the mice quickly or satisfactorily enough, thus discriminating against them as private citizens of this great country in which live.  He claims it does not matter if the mice were born here or if they snuck in, all will receive benefits no matter their true origin or legal/social status.
  • Obama also insists that now that he is in charge he sees vast and significant improvements in mice/cat relationships that are currently taking place throughout all the world.
  • Obama has also been seen conversing with known enemy mice of different populations, countries and climates; obama1attempting he says only to try and comprehend more fully their current world situation, while perhaps for the first time affording them the opportunity to present their side of things to a total stranger, while he lovingly smiles and nods his head in agreement.  He even has on occasion accepted their literature and propaganda that in essence glorifies the very ideology behind what caused the mice to steal their food in the first place. Obama has stated he knows and is in deep sympathy towards those members of the rodent population that have lost or missing loved ones due to the harsh treatment of certain cold hearted and wicked human beings who woory about their own health, security and happiness more that those of the helpless and starving rodents.  He emphasizes concern about just how hard it is for many of them to now be able to find food due to the current economic crisis and encourages those that have extra food to feed the hungry mice.
  • For more information you can view the mice’s secret and strategic home page at “www.chew-on.org.”

Thanks for listening!

John

IMG000074 Obama purrs quietly after a long hard day at the office!

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